For me sometimes being a Latina of color in the United States of America is very frustrating. Don’t get me wrong I love who I am and know who I am, but I am tired of not being considered enough. When I first came to Medgar Evers College I honestly did not think about it as going to a historically Black school, I just needed to go to a school that wasn’t too far from my family, and where I could take classes at night. I never thought about how being a Latina of Color would play out for me.

            My feeling on being a Latina of color in this college is odd. For one thing although I was born and raised in Brooklyn NY and have always gone to predominantly Black schools,  I feel that I don’t completely fit in. I was raised in an all Hispanic household (yes both of my parents are Hispanic). When my classmates were listening to KRS One, I was listening to Johnny Pacheco and Celia Cruz. My parents have always taught me to be proud of who I am  and where we come from.

In college I find that when I tell Black Students that I am Latin, first they ask me where I’m from, (I guess they want to make sure), if’ I’m not from Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic it might be questionable. Once I tell them I'm from Panama right away they start telling me, ” Ohhh you know a lot of Jamaicans went to Panama to build the Canal” (like I don’t know), but what gets frustrating is that they always want to take away the fact that I am also Latino. Like many of us, we are all mixed, but should we ask each other to deny any part of ourselves. For them, I can’t be both. I have to choose to be iether Black or Latino.

            In classes when Professors do the roll call, I really dread it. Think about it I’m Black and my name is Tayra Esquina. Number one they don’t know how to pronounce it, so when they look at the class to connect face to name and they see me I get a look of, "you’re just black - stop trying to pretend like you’re something else" (not from all but from some). Many Professors say “please if I mess up on your name, let me know I want to get it right” to students, but when it comes to me it’s like "take it or leave it -  I’m going to say your name how I think it should be said", and when ever they call on me it’s “Ms. Esqueena you had something to say”. it’s quite comical and annoying at the same time.

          During my time at Medgar Evers College I have meet some Latin people who are not as tanned as I am and it’s been interesting. When you look at me, I don’t fit the “look” of what people would say a Latino looks like. I don’t have straight hair and I don’t look white. With me and “normal looking “ Latinos there’s a strange feeling of discomfort. No one would know I'm Latina until my name is called and by that time, when they see the face acknowledging the name it’s always a look of interest.  For those who just can’t stand the suspense they ask me, “ so you’re Spanish?” “ Are both of your parents Spanish?”  When I say yes to both questions then it’s “Where are they from?” “ Where did you grow up?” What the heck, is this 20 questions?  If I looked like them there would never be any question. They’d accept it and move on, so I don’t feel as if there is a common bond, because I just had to prove that I was Spanish enough for them. Sometimes when I look into the eyes of “normal looking “ (fair skin) Spanish people, there is a look of distrust. I feel that I am always being sized up. They’re always throwing in some Spanish words (as if I don’t understand) to each other like it’s a big secret. They always want to know what I like to eat and what my people call a certain food (isn’t that funny).

            I can go on and on, but overall my experience at Medgar Evers College has been mixed. Some Black Americans love me because I can help them with their Spanish homework and not laugh at them if they pronounce something wrong.  Others look at me as if I am denying my Black side, because I say I am Latina as well (if they only knew everything they were mixed with). Some Latinos that I’ve met show how uncomfortable they are to include me into their circle while others are welcoming and feel a sense of relief that they are not the only ones in the class. As a Latina of color, I am somewhere in the middle.  I don’t really feel as if I belong to any one group. Either I am not Black enough or not Spanish enough. I feel out of place. Sometimes Spanish people are just as bad as black people. They hate their own kind. If you’re what they consider the wrong shade, you have a problem.  In their eyes, you’re never good enough. I just thank God that when I come home. I can leave all of that ignorance in the school and eat my rice and beans in peace!

          Although one of the many reasons this college was formed was to provide advantages to the many African American people in the community, it has since grown to accomplish what Medgar Evers himself was not able to foresee -  a community that not only promotes academic excellence for its African American students but also for students who share different cultures. In no way do I believe Medgar Evers fought for a separate America or school system, but for a unified America. Having ALAS as a part of Medgar Evers College has given me the added benefit of coming together with people who share my culture, while embracing the African culture that mine evolved from. Having ALAS in Medgar Evers College allows for the enlightenment and progression of our community, and helps maintain one of its missions (#5), which is to provide co-curricular and cultural programs that serve its students and a broad population of community residents. In order for us to truly be accepting of one another we have to be willing to learn about one another. Although ALAS is in its beginning stages, we are confident that with the continued support of the Medgar Evers College administration and of the many African and Latin American students, ALAS can be the voice of those Latin students, who feel their voice is not heard.